Smugglers, baking and boot camp

TiVo, get your act together!

I have to get this one off my chest. Has anyone else ever felt insulted by the ‘suggested recordings’ choices of their TiVo box? The TiVo has only been installed for a couple of years, and the instruction manual was never read because the gizmo worked and there are many more fun things to do with an afternoon. So the fact that there were suggested recordings at all, was something of a surprise. At first I thought it rather sweet that the blinking box in the corner would think of you throughout the day, get to know you a little and consider what TV treats you might like to enjoy later. Even going ‘off piste’ a bit and perhaps selecting something you may not have considered for yourself, but you end up loving. Similar to being given olives to try again, because although you claim not to like them, you like salty things, for example.

In the ‘getting to know you’ stage the suggested programmes were baffling. But early on in a relationship you can easily get the wrong signals, or send mixed messages. So, it proffered the local news programmes, and the BBC News, and the ITV News…. Well, news is fine, but watching it back at a later date is generally not so interesting. Really I have no idea how these things work but figured it would take time to somehow recognise what was watched and build a kind of profile. But then the random selections started to kick in. I can‘t remember specifically what, but they were not impressive.

Why wasn’t it trying harder? Why was it recording shows about border control and smugglers when such programmes were never actually watched, and should surely never be part of the viewing profile?

Then the ‘thumbs’ were discovered. Yes, perhaps this should have happened earlier. For anyone who doesn’t know, you have a green ‘thumbs up’ to say you like a programme, and a red ‘thumbs down’ to show your displeasure. You can hit the button up to three times, presumably to indicate your strength of feeling either way. Now, I get why up to three thumbs-worth of happy viewing might be useful information: I hope that if there was a recording clash between a one-thumb and a three-thumb the lovely considerate box would prioritise. This is an optimistic theory, not yet tested.

But why bother giving any more than one thumb of disapproval? Surely the TiVo is not going to think ‘Hmmn, well, there is very little of interest at the moment, so I’ll just record a single-thumbs-down programme. Can’t sit here doing nothing can I?’ Well, yes actually, you can. If you can’t record something good, don’t bother recording anything at all…

In an effort to train the beast, every time the TiVo is caught red handed i.e. recording something undesirable, the red thumb is pushed three times, still with little idea of why three is necessary but we are sending a clear message here. Same if it does good, although sadly this is less often. So now the on-screen TV guide has more up and down thumbs than a busy day at the Colosseum.

Today, late morning, the box pinged up a message to say it wanted to switch from the current programme (you know, the one you have actually chosen to watch) and record Mary Berry doing some cooking instead. Interesting. Not the choice of programme – for once it was a good choice – but that meant it was sneakily off recording another couple of shows, because it can only record three things if you are watching one of them. On further investigation these turned out to be Police Interceptors (or something like that) and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Excuse me?? I honestly don’t think ANY of the viewing history would suggest these as likely to meet with approval. Knowledge of the Ninjas is sketchy, but a programme about the real Donatello or Raphael would stand a better chance!

I have just deleted more suggestions of yet more border control programmes, ones about sheriffs and debt collectors, gadget reviews, and a marriage boot camp, all of which would never have been watched. This feels more like a marriage of convenience, or of one where apathy has taken over. Like those who shop for their spouse’s or partner’s gift in the last hour on Christmas Eve. Just get something, no matter what. Who cares if it is the wrong size and wrong colour? It’s the thought that counts right?

Wrong, Mr TiVo, wrong.

Neither of these cards are for you. We are not friends and you are not awesome.

halftone and super scripthalftone super script 2

I have used current stash from Altenew plus a guilty purchase of a stencil. It cost under a fiver so I don’t feel too bad. Sometimes you just need something new to freshen things up a bit. These cards are very similar to one of the marketing shots, but it is kind of an obvious thing to do and I was just itching to use it! I blended three different colours of Altenew inks onto my base card, then stamped and die cut the Super Script words and cut out the Label Love sentiment. I love the look of the spotty symmetry!


45 thoughts on “Smugglers, baking and boot camp

  1. I really don’t like these and especially that beautiful stencil you just used (Tongue in cheek)! I had the same Tivo problem but I believe you can turn off the suggestion as we had to cos we had so many recordings and didn’t ask for any of them! May be the previous owners choice, and that could have been worse! Love the cards really though 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Just googled it and this is how you do it – If you don’t like TiVo Suggestions making recordings for you, you can turn it off. Go to Help & Settings from the main menu. Choose Settings and enter your PIN (if you’ve set one up). Choose Recordings, then Suggestions to change your settings. Hope this helps 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I love the spots! Our TV system doesn’t do predicting, thank goodness, but it does seem to time out at inconvenient moments and then I get summoned to deal with it. I love the spotty backgrounds, the colours just look lovely. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi!
    YOU NEED …
    No, not really…love the cards, pleasingly symmetrical and I do like a stick on jewel…I’m always amused by WP’s suggestions for me…this morning’s were sharks, Mecca and pasta recipes…no idea where they came from…and also my laptop keeps calling me Savannah which is slightly it seeing someone else???

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So you have the same problem from a different source? Maybe there is just some universal ‘Random’ button that the programmers can hit when boredom sets in? My WP suggestions are always things I already have tags for. Might try sharks though. Oh and the laptop calling you Savannah? Maybe that is, erm, just deserts…I mean desserts…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ha ha ha! It’s like that game..first pet name and line of address makes your imaginary porn star name lol!!! ( Snoopy Doddington…just in case you wondered…)
        And I don ‘t think I’ve ever mentioned sharks. Ever. Not even for profit(erole)..!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I hadn’t heard that version of the porn star name. But it makes me Bubbles Alexandra! Cool! Probably too late to take up the call now…


      3. I’m not sure I got it right though…is there a different way…one that would give me a better name? Yours is cooler than mine…

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Well the version I heard of was still the name of your first pet, then your mother’s maiden name. Given the identity stealing issues it has probably been changed. I prefer your version! Now I have a cool porn star name, not an incomprehensible one!

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Huh. Would still make mine pretty strange…I generally get these wrong as I lose interest…or forget…or don’t see the! That’s why I like short sharp jokes…:)


  4. Lovely cards but I really did have to laugh about your Tivo troubles. I can’t figure ours out – like you say the list of programmes randomly recorded are, well, random. I don’t think I’ve ever watched something that it has decided to record for us. Then there is the issue of recording something and then deleting it on its own and I can’t figure the remote control out to save my life. It takes me a good 5 minutes to work out how to find anything. Probably just as well my husband can use it! 😄

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Haha my Netflix did the same and suggested a whole lot Japanese animé at one point…great cards by the way!


  6. I’ve no real idea of what a TiVo is, but it sounds as though you should have barricaded the door when it was delivered. You are very funny, great post. And I looooove the cards.


  7. I have no Tivo troubles
    so cannot really relate.
    But I’m feeling so cross by
    the recollection of your fate.

    Personally I think I’d kick that
    Troublesome Tivo right out!
    He sounds just like a berk.
    Or even a footballing lout!

    We should all go back to analogue
    It worked so why’d they mess?
    Such a tried and tested system
    I loved it dearly I confess.

    There must be a way of turning it off
    So to the book you must now turn
    How to turn off his suggestions
    That’s what you need to learn!

    …. ok out of rhyme mode now.

    If you want Tivo to stop recording it’s ‘helpful’ suggestions, you can turn it off!
    Go to ‘Help & Settings’ from the main menu.
    Choose ‘Settings’ and enter your PIN (if you’ve set one up).
    Choose ‘Recordings’,
    then ‘Suggestions’ to change your settings.
    Highlight No to turn off the recordings and then press Select.

    Ta Daaahhhh!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. P.S. … love the Measles cards. 😀
      I actually really like those spotty backgrounds. The stencil would look great the other way up too… so £5 very well spent, because you can use it four ways … up, down, left and right! BARGAIN!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Brilliant! Although I am not sure Mr TiVo deserves an ode! Thanks to yourself and Kim he has now lost the power of Suggestion. Any further transgressions and the wires are being cut…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. LOL… I’m certain it won’t come to that. I think he’ll see the error of his ways and stop being so ‘forward’.

        Problem is that you’re irresistable to him, and so he’s flirting like mad with you, trying to woo you with his attention and care. Showing you what a wonderful catch he is, and leading up to asking you to M.A.R.R.Y. him.
        whoo hoo! CAKE!

        Yeah… get married. I LOVE wedding cake! (and I’ll even buy a new frock!)

        Liked by 1 person

  8. We don’t have TiVo or anything like this… luckily, I assume)
    I like both of your cards, they are looking modern and fresh!

    Liked by 1 person

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